yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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