She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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