So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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