Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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