The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
