it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
