I just made out with a guy for $7.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
