But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize