I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
