Old men and throwing up are my life now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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