this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
