Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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