I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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