just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
