I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
