I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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