You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
