In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
