I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Randomize
