Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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