Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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