it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
