Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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