did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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