The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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