I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize