Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pants are for mortals
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
