Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
