one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
