I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
