so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize