I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize