Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
These tits shall not be calmed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
