ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
