i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
