I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
