It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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