if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
