He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
