So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
