she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
