Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
