I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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