I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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