I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
