I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
