glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
