I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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