I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am available for nakedness
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
