i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize