she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
