I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
