Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
