apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
