I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
