I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
