Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
