dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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