I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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