I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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