There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
