So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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