This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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