i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
