Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
