In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
