I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
