I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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