toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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