i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
