HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
