Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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