I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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