lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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