Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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