Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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