I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
