My friends, they love my intelligence
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
