What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
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