I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
True college students do jello shots in the library
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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