I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
