Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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