At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
