Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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