i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
