that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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