you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
