Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
