It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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