My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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