I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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