Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
