ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
