is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
