Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
