Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
