Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Houston, we have a blender
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
